I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
