hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
