my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
