Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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