She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
