I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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