Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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