She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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