he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
