Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
