just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
