"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
