im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
