Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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