I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
