I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
zippers are such a cool invention
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
