she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
