I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
