one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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