I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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