Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
