Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
