FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
