haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
