I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
