we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
