Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
