smell my finger.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
