somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
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Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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