I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
