i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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