Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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