I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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