I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
