Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
