dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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