Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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