Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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