Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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