oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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