Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
