I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
