she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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