my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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