I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
