I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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