trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
