mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
