stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
