im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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