Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
