I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
