So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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