it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
