Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
