A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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