is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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