3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
