you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
