Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize