it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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