ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
