Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
