May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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