I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it glows. i had to have it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
