She is in my trunk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
