Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
