I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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