Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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