I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
