i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
