i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
