Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
