just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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