I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
