I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
