Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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