I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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